and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
