would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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