grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
