Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
