He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
