Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
