i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
