Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize