Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
