If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
jump out the window naked night went bad
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