And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
