We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
