dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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