Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
