Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
