I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
