we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
