i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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