I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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