my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
