Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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