he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
