remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
