guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize