i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
