one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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