Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
