3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
