I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
