everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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