You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
