Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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