Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
