A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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