Please don't use social media to get back at me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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