Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
