playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
