I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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