He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
