she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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