if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
