i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
