woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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