While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
