just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
