when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
