Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You took a bar mat shot.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
