Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
