dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
