i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
