As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
NoShamevember. You game?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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