Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I had to cum in my sink.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
