So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
