shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
