Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
