why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
