Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
