I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Terrible idea I love it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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