So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
