I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my being single is dangerous.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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