She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
