If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
