3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
