No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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