can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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