i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
