wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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