I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
