I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
