He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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