i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
