I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
