Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Bring me that man meat
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
