I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my sisters under your porch take her home
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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