Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
