i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
