i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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