I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
