Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
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