By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I FOUND THE LEGS
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
