omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
