There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize