five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
