Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
